Disclaimer: Not everyone who goes through menopause identifies as a woman and not all people who identify as women go through menopause. At Jayla, our core audience is people who identify as women, so we primarily use the word “women.” However, we’re working on specific content for people going through menopause who might not identify women. Inclusivity is a key value of ours, so bear with us!
Perimenopause can feel deeply isolating. One moment you’re living life as usual — and the next, you’re wide awake at 3 am, drenched in sweat, or forgetting your best friend’s name. Night sweats, brain fog, mood swings — the changes come fast and without warning.
What makes it harder? Hardly anyone talks about it. This guide is here to change that — whether you’re experiencing perimenopause or supporting someone who is. Let’s start the conversation.
Wait, What’s Going On?
First things first, let’s get on the same page.
You’ve probably heard someone joke, “Are you going through menopause?” when a woman mentions feeling hot.
But that’s often a misunderstanding. Hot flashes are more commonly a symptom of perimenopause, and they can also continue during postmenopause. Menopause itself is technically just one point in time, when a person has gone 12 consecutive months without a period. Most of the symptoms people associate with menopause tend to happen in the years before or after that moment.
“What are menopause and perimenopause?” I hear you ask.
Menopause is the point in time when someone hasn’t had a period for 12 consecutive months, usually around age 51.
The real journey starts earlier with perimenopause, the transition phase when hormones begin to change, causing symptoms like mood swings, hot flashes, or irregular periods. Everyone experiences it differently: some barely notice it, while others deal with intense symptoms. That being said, in the U.S., 85% of women report experiencing symptoms. (1)
So perimenopause symptoms are… very common. While menopause is starting to be talked about more, what still isn’t discussed enough is how to talk about it. How do people who aren’t going through it support those who are? And how do people experiencing it ask for the support they need?
Great questions.
Perimenopause and menopause, like many women’s health topics, are taboo. Since they signal the end of a woman’s fertility—a fact that society unfortunately still (far too often) ties to her “worth”—these stages can carry an unnecessary layer of shame. They’re also still (unfortunately) largely misunderstood.
So it’s no surprise if your loved one doesn’t want to talk about perimenopause, or if you’re not sure how to bring up your own experience. This phase can feel deeply disorienting, not just physically but emotionally. Hormonal changes can shake your sense of identity, while the demands of work, family, and daily life leave little room to process what’s going on, let alone explain it to someone else.
We get it, — this is tough. Whether it’s you or someone you love, navigating this change isn’t easy, and having real support can make it a little less heavy.
How Can I Explain Perimenopause to My Loved Ones?
Knowledge is power, and one of the best ways to use it is by educating the people around you. That can be tricky. People often carry misconceptions or just haven’t been exposed to the facts. A simple way to start is by asking questions like, “Have you ever heard of perimenopause?” or “Do you know what the symptoms are?”
In return, try to be open. Treat all questions as valid, even if they make you want to roll your eyes. Start with the basics: what perimenopause is, what common symptoms can look like, and why it’s not all doom and gloom. Yes, there are upsides. (Check here if you need inspiration.)
Then go a little deeper. Perimenopause isn’t linear or predictable. Symptoms can come and go, and they can affect every part of life, from sleep and mood to memory. But here’s the key: you’re still you through all of it.
Talking about it helps. It’s also important to explain why you’re opening up. You might not be looking for sympathy or solutions, although honestly, sometimes both would be nice. What you’re really asking for is understanding, because that makes a real difference.
You don’t have to carry the full weight of explaining everything. You can share resources, like Jayla’s blog or Instagram, or recommend books that resonate with you. Or you can simply say, “Honey, I’d love for you to educate yourself about perimenopause as I go through this stage of life.”
Perimenopause looks different for everyone. That’s why sharing your own experience, your symptoms, and how it’s affecting you is so important. People can’t support you if they don’t know what you’re going through. It might feel easier to open up to others going through the same thing, but the support of those closest to you matters just as much.
Tips for Talking About Perimenopause
You don’t need perfect words, just honest ones (ideally without shouting them during the fourth hot flash in a day of course). These small moments of clarity can make a big difference.
When you’re in the middle of a symptom, like anxiety, a hot flash, or brain fog, say it. If not in the moment, follow up later.
“That was a hot flash, not a bad mood.”
“I’m not upset. I’m overheating.”
Ask for grace. This is a physical and emotional shift. You don’t need to prove anything.
“I’m asking for grace, not fixing.”
“This isn’t personal. It’s hormonal.”
Talk to the younger women in your life. Your daughters, nieces, goddaughters. You might end up closer, and they’ll be more prepared.
“Let’s normalize talking about this in our families.”
“I don’t want you caught off guard like I was.”
When it’s a manager:
“I’m going through perimenopause. It can affect energy, focus, and mood. I’m still showing up, but a little understanding goes a long way.”
When it’s a partner:
“Some days I’ll need space. Others, softness. I’m still me, I just need a little patience while I adjust.”
And when you don’t have the words, share a resource.
“You don’t need to get it all. Just be here with me.”
Perimenopause looks different for everyone. Talking helps. Even a few true lines can open the door.
How Can I Talk to My Perimenopausal Loved One?
Hey — if someone you care about is going through perimenopause, we’re really glad you’re here.
The most important thing you can do to support someone going through perimenopause? Listen with empathy and keep an open mind. Perimenopause can be a confusing and emotional time, and what your loved one likely needs most is someone who is calm, supportive, and simply present.
Try asking gentle, open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling lately?” instead of jumping to conclusions. And if you’re not sure what to say, that’s okay — just being there matters.
It also helps to learn a little about perimenopause yourself. There’s a lot going on behind the scenes, from hormone shifts to sleep disruptions, and understanding that can make a world of difference. Don’t worry, no need to become a medical expert — but reading a few articles (like this one!) shows that you care. And let’s be honest: expecting someone to go through all this and teach you about it at the same time might be a bit much. Don’t add “explaining perimenopause” to their already full plate.
In short: be kind, stay curious, and don’t underestimate the power of a good cup of tea and a genuine “I’m here for you.”
How to Support Someone Going Through Perimenopause: Do’s and Don’ts
DO
DON’T
Ask how they’d like to be supported. Everyone’s experience is different, listening goes a long way.
Don’t say “It’s just hormones.”
It’s dismissive, and spoiler: hormones can be incredibly powerful.
Be patient with mood changes or low energy. This is a season, not their whole personality.
Don’t compare it to a bad day or a man cold. We promise, it’s not the same.
Educate yourself about perimenopause. There are many free resources out there (no excuse!). For example, Jayla’s fantastic blog.
Don’t assume they’re “too young” for it. Perimenopause can start in your 30s!
Respect their boundaries. Sometimes we want to talk. Sometimes we want to cocoon.
Don’t offer unsolicited advice. “Have you tried yoga / kale / crystals?” It might sound helpful, but it’s not.
Offer practical help. A nap, a cup of tea or coffee, or covering the school run can mean everything.
Don’t center yourself. “You think that’s bad? I once…” — maybe not now.
Celebrate small wins. “You slept through the night? Amazing!”
Don’t assume this is all doom and gloom. There are upsides too, just don’t you be the one to say that.
Be flexible. If plans change, it’s not about you.
Don’t take mood shifts personally. It’s chemistry, not character.
Check in now and then, even just a text. Knowing you care matters.
Don’t joke about hot flashes in public. It’s not as funny as you may think.
Offer kindness without fixing. “That sounds really tough, I’m here for you.”
Don’t rush them to ‘move on’ or ‘get over it.’ This isn’t a quick phase.
Remember: they’re still them. Perimenopause might be loud, but it doesn’t define the person.
Some resources for you:
When It’s Time to Seek More Help
Sometimes, love and good intentions just aren’t enough — and that’s okay. If you’re going through perimenopause and symptoms like anxiety, depression, insomnia, or physical discomfort are interfering with your daily life, it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for more support. And if you’re a loved one watching someone struggle, encouraging them to seek help might be one of the most supportive things you can do.
You don’t have to wait for a breaking point. There are options — and they’re not one-size-fits-all:
- Therapy: Individual or couples therapy can help navigate mood changes, shifting identities, or relationship dynamics.
- Support groups: Online or local, connecting with others going through something similar can bring huge relief and reduce the sense of isolation.
- Hormone therapy: For many, it’s a powerful option — just make sure to work with a provider who understands perimenopause.
- Evidence-based holistic care: Whether it’s coaching, acupuncture, or nutritional support, some find complementary approaches really effective (as long as they’re grounded in science).
And if you’re looking for expert, personalised care? On top of support groups, hormone therapy, and evidence-based holistic care, Jayla offers medically-backed support from clinicians who actually understand perimenopause — no eye rolls, no dismissiveness, just care that makes sense for you.
If you want to keep learning, reflecting, or simply feel less alone, we host a weekly webinar that explores everything from hormone care to identity shifts and real-life strategies.
You can also subscribe to our mailing list for expert tips, honest stories, and updates on upcoming sessions—because this transition deserves more than silence. It deserves support that makes sense.
It’s Not Just You. And You Don’t Have to Go Through It Alone.
Perimenopause is a natural transition, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy — or that it should be done in silence. Start the conversation, ask for what you need, and remember: there’s strength in honesty, and relief in being understood.
References
1. Grant, M.D. (no date) Menopausal Symptoms: Comparative Effectiveness of Therapies, Menopausal Symptoms: Comparative Effectiveness of Therapies [Internet]. Available at: Source (Accessed: 13 June 2024).
